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Fertility medicine today is all about aggressive surgical, chemical, and technological intervention, but Dr. David and Blakeway know a better way. David and Blakeway are revolutionizing the fertility field, one baby at a time. A compelling story unfolds as Louise conveys the dirt that infertility digs up, the insidious changes it brings and, ultimately, the secrets and lies it exposes.


We hope you find this list of inspiring and hopeful books helpful and that one or more will help to calm your nerves a little. Or- if you'd prefer a direct email link, feel free to contact at; Kara Edwards ,,,,64,,,97,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,97,,,,,46,,, gro. Contact Info:. Name required. Email required. Phone Optional. Message required. What day comes after Saturday? Stay up to date with grant availability, events, ways to get involved, and more! Die without having created a life, and die two deaths: the death of yourself, and the death of the immense opportunity that is a child. My husband understood my desire: he had six children, mostly grown, from two previous marriages.

No one questioned our wish to have our own child, but I found myself answering arguments of imagined critics: Should they be allowed to have their own baby when the husband already has children? Is their marriage stable? Think of the poor kid! All that baggage!

A Girlfriend's Guide Through Infertility: PGD Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis

I was sure such whispers lay ahead. Charles pointed out to me that our marriage was not a dystopia, for one, and that while he had six children, I had none of my own. We have a happy, loving marriage and good relationships with everyone in our large family.

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The years of infertility were a burden, a period marked by weariness and despair. But they were also a reassurance, an affirmation that we are good companions. I do not advocate infertility as a way to strengthen the bonds of marriage, but five years of adversity pretty much proves the durability of your marital bedrock.

Still, it was hard not to worry about what other people might think. Not being pregnant suddenly seemed like a public statement, one that left me feeling exposed and vulnerable. She wrote that she was happily married with three children. Her answers were not handwritten in the tiny allotted spaces; she had downloaded the original questionnaire and typed her responses at thoughtful length. Her attention to detail was heartening.

A Girlfriend's Guide to Infertility & Staying Happily Married

And her computer-generated essay indicated, among other things, a certain level of competence. This gleaned morsel of information made me glad: she must live in a house with a computer and know how to use it. In our conference call with Cathy and her husband, Mick — the vice president of marketing for a credit union — we felt immediately comfortable. They had three children, two of whom were in college.

Cathy and Mick sounded compassionate and intelligent. And she was experienced at surrogacy: She had delivered a baby boy the previous year for a couple in New Jersey. On the telephone, Charles and I talked about our reasons for seeking a surrogate: we ticked off the agonies and wrecked hopes of the previous years. Cathy was Some clinics will cap the age of a potential surrogate mother at 40, or even younger, but Dr. Fateh told us that as long as Cathy was healthy, her age was largely not relevant. In her case, age lent maturity and experience. During our conference call, she and her husband sounded like stable and sensible people. Cathy told me that her motivations were not purely financial, although she was frank about the fact that the money would help with her two children in college. She and her husband had taken in 17 foster children for short periods over the years; their new house was a bit small for more foster children.

But the experience of having a baby for the New Jersey couple, Cathy said, provided her with a deep thrill, and the feeling that she was needed in a profound, unique way. There might always be other willing foster parents, she said, but there would not always be willing, able surrogate mothers. She and her husband were college-educated. Her husband graduated from William and Mary. Her daughter Rebecca, then 20, wanted to be a journalist. They lived in a renovated mill house on a creek in a suburb of Philadelphia.

They seemed, in other words, not so different from us. Later, during the election season, she and I were unaccountably pleased to learn that we were both planning to vote for Obama. View all New York Times newsletters. I know all this should have been irrelevant. Long before, my husband and I picked out a name for a boy, filing it away in the back of our minds for years. Then, suddenly suspicious of the proceedings, struck by our folly — what if everything went wrong?

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  • Max Dudley. Cathy began referring to the unknown, nonexistent creature as Milk Dud.

    She brought her daughter Rebecca, who had been an egg donor to help pay her college tuition. The three of us were an infertility brain trust. I went for my 12th I. Or a girl. This time, the cycle would be incomplete. It was July. I struggled, as I did every time, to stay awake as the anesthesia pulled me under. As always, I woke up in the recovery room, with a cramp in my belly. Cathy disappeared with a nurse. Ann and I did crossword puzzles. We made small talk. She ate carrots and celery from a plastic container. Cathy came out after resting for an hour with her legs elevated — after all that technology, they still make you put your legs up in the air — and beamed.

    Two weeks later, we got the test back, confirming what Cathy already knew.


    After the second-month checkup, we walked home to my apartment for lunch. We talked about how she had played on her college tennis team. She played our Steinway while I got lunch. I stood outside the living room, holding a tray of tuna sandwiches and listening.